we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
