i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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