i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
