just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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