she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
