I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
