it was like his penis was on wheels.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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