puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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