I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
