I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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