i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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