Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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