bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
