Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
