Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
