Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
