how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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