i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
