i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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