How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
