wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
