Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
