Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize