grandma shit on top of the toilet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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