; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
