My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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