i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
