He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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