you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
