I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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