90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
