It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
