I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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