i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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