Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
