I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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