they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
