You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
