the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
