just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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