I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're like the curious george of whores
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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