Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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