Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
