is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
