Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
