yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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