I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
