I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize