Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this hospital has no fireball
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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