How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
