if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
