seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We need to get me chipped asap
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