The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize