I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
