Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
