She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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