What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
