The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
