I bet he comes in French.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
