im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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