You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
