Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
