After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize