my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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