My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
