Your mouth is God's brothel.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
