After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
