I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
