You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she peed on how many people?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
