i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
