I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
