Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
