Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
