Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
