Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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