Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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