It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
