Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
