I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
