Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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