I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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